‘Twas the Night Before Christmas – 3rd Edition


Here it is folks! News of St. John’s annual ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas – St. John style of course. Enjoy!

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through St. John,
Not a barstool was empty, people were gettin’ their drink on.
The koozies were hung by The Longboard with care,
In hopes that a Paloma soon would appear.
The locals were hangin’ at the new Bowery bar,
While Hollywood entertained tourists, and strummed his guitar.
I grabbed a pizza from Roma, then needed a nap,
But instead I went to Woody’s, for a lil’ night cap.
When out in the streets, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my seat, to see what was the matter.
Down to the ferry dock, I flew like a flash,
And I passed a few chickens, before hearing a splash.
The moon on the bay with the St. Thomas lights
Giving a luster of midday to something in flight.
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer,
With a tanned little driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick.
More rapid than mongoose, his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blixen!
To Coral Bay we must fly! We helped save the bay!
No megamarinas there, we’re keepin’ it that way!
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So out toward the East, the coursers they flew
With the sleigh full of swag, and St. Nicholas too—
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the palm tree St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed in flip flops, Painkiller in hand,
And looked happy to’ve ditched the snow for the sand.
With a snorkel in tow and a cooler of beer,
He looked ready to spread some holiday cheer.
His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His skin was so tan, from his head to his toes,
He just looked so happy to be out of the snow!
He grabbed his trunks and downed another cold drink,
Took a dip in the pool and gave me a wink.
He had a broad face and a cute little belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
We took a quick selfie and he hopped out of the pool,
Who would have thought that this guy was so cool!
The fun had to end, time to get back to work,
So he filled the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the palm tree he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he flew toward the Bight—
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

Click here to read our 2014 version. 

Click here to read to our 2013 version. 

3 thoughts on “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas – 3rd Edition”

  1. I’d like to submit this for consideration:
    Created by Tim Ward

    ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through St. John
    The north shore waves glistened, like fresh dew on the lawn.

    The bars were still open, filled with Christmas cheer,
    With tourists and locals, side-by-side drinking beer.

    The dogs at the ACC, were all snug in their beds,
    Ryan tucked them in with a bone, and a pat on their heads.

    And Sharon in her bikini and I in my trunks,
    Dinghied back to the boat, to settle into our bunk.

    When on my VHF, there arose a distress call,
    It was Santa and the deer, and they were starting to fall.

    I cracked open the throttle, and hauled some ass,
    The waves were growing, it sure wasn’t glass.

    The charter boats responded, each captain so quick,
    And we all raised our sails, “We must save St. Nick!”

    When out in the sea, in a faint glimmer of red,
    We saw the reindeer, swimming around a floating sled.

    The sleigh and the deer had splashed down in the waves,
    They were floating just north, of Norman Island caves.

    More rapid than eagles, the charter boats sailed,
    Santa was so happy, to see each boat he hailed:

    “Now ‘Spitfire’! Now ‘Kalina’! Now ‘One Love’ and ‘Kekoa’!
    Trim in those sails, fill that genoa!”

    “Hurry up now, the gifts are starting to sink!
    If the kids toys are dripping, what will they think!”

    Each deer was loaded to the deck of a boat,
    And Santa climbed to a dinghy, in his red soggy coat.

    We tied a tow line to the sled, and back to Cruz Bay we flew
    With boats full of packages, and St. Nicholas too-

    Nikki from Beach Bar, brought towels to the dock,
    We had to get them dry, Santa was on the clock.

    To the Quiet Mon we walked, and the reindeer all followed,
    And when we arrived, Chris gave us shots that we swallowed.

    We hung all Santas furs on the Quiet Mon porch
    And they blew in the wind, like flames from a torch.

    We dried out the packages, the reindeer, and the sleigh,
    While all the Cruz Bay bartenders, kept the mood gay.

    His eyes how they twinkled, actually they were glassy,
    A bit too much rum, Santa was getting sassy!

    We sang Christmas carols, and dried each little bow,
    The beach sand in the distance, surely looked like snow.

    The stump of Santas pipe was held tight in his teeth,
    And the smoke from it all circled his head like a rasta-wreath.

    Santa had a broad face, and a little round belly,
    That salt water sure made his reindeer pretty smelly.

    He was chubby and plump, a typical tourist by sight,
    And just like them, damn was his skin white.

    We were just about finished drying everything out,
    When the reggae band paused, and started to shout.

    “Hey Santa-mon, in de islands things don’move too quick,
    But de kids of d’world, be waitin’ for St. Nick”

    And laying his Painkiller back on the bar,
    He ran to the dock, and found the north star.

    We loaded up his sleigh, and hitched up the reindeer,
    And Santa gave a toast, as we all clanked our beers.

    “Love City saved Christmas! I thank St. John tonight!”
    “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

  2. Nicely done, Jenn! bkb, that was great! Maybe that can be next year’s edition. 🙂 Merry Christmas to all and a wonderful New Year, too!

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